I'm self-employed in a retail shop and I gotta say "We are a candy store. We want you to buy candy, not boxes" is an incredibly dismissive and rude thing to say to a totally valid question. That would make me feel kinda crumby, too.
For what it's worth, your extra pain gene or whatever has given you the ability to make me belly laugh harder over many close friends of mine have managed to do. It is sad to hear that you have this pain but your cartoons, animation, podcasting and general humor have mattered a lot to randos like myself whom you'll never meet. It's important to me that people like you exist. Anyway thanks for sharing!
It's small, stuck-up and petty not to mention lacks any good will. Nina's work is the opposite of that. They're super generous festivals of life and humor.
I’m a little younger than you (and also male, another difference), but also in the same boat. I’m in my late 40s; been depressed since 14. Much of that comes from the way my mother expressed her irrational fury that I hadn’t been born a girl.
I too have tried to go off antidepressants/anxiolitics (a fancy word for anti-anxiety medication) twice, and both times I ended up going back on them because I would crack up under the most mundane of experiences. I was anxious about taking a shower, FFS.
I think I wanted to go off these medications because, like you, I thought that I really wanted to know what I would be like without them. I wanted to know “the actual me”. Surely I had been ill for a time, and now I was cured, right? As if I had had some sort of brain infection and I needed brain antibiotics to clear it up and then everything would be fine.
Nope. Turns out going off my medication makes me lie down in bed all day and twitch from the intense physical symptoms of the anxiety. Turns out that without these drugs, this is what I really am like.
All this to say that 1. you described (and drew about) this topic far more eloquently than I ever could, and 2. you are not alone in how you think about what is wrong with your brain.
(I adore you and Cori by the way. I love your friendship. The care you have for each other is so evident.)
In 1999, I made the decision to stop taking Prozac. I came off way faster than you. I don't know how I managed to not get arrested of shot on my way to and fro work every day. I got into a fight with four gang bangers who tried to run me off the Jamaica Way. Some idiot in a brand new Mustang boxed me into a parking spot. I had to reverse/forward six times before I was able to move the Mustang enough to get out of the spot. Anyone who blocks in a shit box 86 New Yorker tank is an idiot. Then the paranoia hit, I was convinced the cops were right behind me all the way home. I have to fight for control for every word that comes out of my mouth. The All woman management that controls the Senior Citizen building I live in sucks more than I can express. They hate me. I don't even leave my studio anymore. I was clean and sober for twenty one good, productive years in AA. I relapsed on heroin after my son, the baby I got clean for died from a heroin od the second time he tried it. I know other people suffer loss without picking up. I wish to God that was my story. I went to prison at 58 yo as a result of the relapse. I wanted to be there if you can imagine that. I said awful, terrible things to him and I never go the chance to beg for his forgiveness. After reading your article, I think I'm going to give the Prozac another shot. I'm still not clean. I remember when they first started to do this thing in AA around 1990- Anyone with a year or more raise your hand to show the program works. That's bullshit. Otherwise the slogan would be - a Year at a Time not a Day at a Time. I objected then, I still do. I am a mad fan of Nina. I can see Sita dancing in my head. The images tattooed themselves onto my brain.
Hey fluoxocompadre, I guess we're limited to the tools available. I need glasses to see clearly and pills to think clearly. So I say... keep on poppin' !
You articulated a lot of what I experienced. I became depressed at around 13, self harmed, finallly sought help in my late 20s. I've been on Prozac for a decade now. I don't get any side effects and never have, except occasional heartburn. I've accepted I'll always have to be on the zac. I've tried other SSRIs for short periods and the side effects were not worth it.
I'm self-employed in a retail shop and I gotta say "We are a candy store. We want you to buy candy, not boxes" is an incredibly dismissive and rude thing to say to a totally valid question. That would make me feel kinda crumby, too.
For what it's worth, your extra pain gene or whatever has given you the ability to make me belly laugh harder over many close friends of mine have managed to do. It is sad to hear that you have this pain but your cartoons, animation, podcasting and general humor have mattered a lot to randos like myself whom you'll never meet. It's important to me that people like you exist. Anyway thanks for sharing!
It's small, stuck-up and petty not to mention lacks any good will. Nina's work is the opposite of that. They're super generous festivals of life and humor.
Thank you so much Nina. Beautiful.
Nina,
I’m a little younger than you (and also male, another difference), but also in the same boat. I’m in my late 40s; been depressed since 14. Much of that comes from the way my mother expressed her irrational fury that I hadn’t been born a girl.
I too have tried to go off antidepressants/anxiolitics (a fancy word for anti-anxiety medication) twice, and both times I ended up going back on them because I would crack up under the most mundane of experiences. I was anxious about taking a shower, FFS.
I think I wanted to go off these medications because, like you, I thought that I really wanted to know what I would be like without them. I wanted to know “the actual me”. Surely I had been ill for a time, and now I was cured, right? As if I had had some sort of brain infection and I needed brain antibiotics to clear it up and then everything would be fine.
Nope. Turns out going off my medication makes me lie down in bed all day and twitch from the intense physical symptoms of the anxiety. Turns out that without these drugs, this is what I really am like.
All this to say that 1. you described (and drew about) this topic far more eloquently than I ever could, and 2. you are not alone in how you think about what is wrong with your brain.
(I adore you and Cori by the way. I love your friendship. The care you have for each other is so evident.)
In 1999, I made the decision to stop taking Prozac. I came off way faster than you. I don't know how I managed to not get arrested of shot on my way to and fro work every day. I got into a fight with four gang bangers who tried to run me off the Jamaica Way. Some idiot in a brand new Mustang boxed me into a parking spot. I had to reverse/forward six times before I was able to move the Mustang enough to get out of the spot. Anyone who blocks in a shit box 86 New Yorker tank is an idiot. Then the paranoia hit, I was convinced the cops were right behind me all the way home. I have to fight for control for every word that comes out of my mouth. The All woman management that controls the Senior Citizen building I live in sucks more than I can express. They hate me. I don't even leave my studio anymore. I was clean and sober for twenty one good, productive years in AA. I relapsed on heroin after my son, the baby I got clean for died from a heroin od the second time he tried it. I know other people suffer loss without picking up. I wish to God that was my story. I went to prison at 58 yo as a result of the relapse. I wanted to be there if you can imagine that. I said awful, terrible things to him and I never go the chance to beg for his forgiveness. After reading your article, I think I'm going to give the Prozac another shot. I'm still not clean. I remember when they first started to do this thing in AA around 1990- Anyone with a year or more raise your hand to show the program works. That's bullshit. Otherwise the slogan would be - a Year at a Time not a Day at a Time. I objected then, I still do. I am a mad fan of Nina. I can see Sita dancing in my head. The images tattooed themselves onto my brain.
I like your vivid description of emotion that helps me understand depression.
Hey fluoxocompadre, I guess we're limited to the tools available. I need glasses to see clearly and pills to think clearly. So I say... keep on poppin' !
You articulated a lot of what I experienced. I became depressed at around 13, self harmed, finallly sought help in my late 20s. I've been on Prozac for a decade now. I don't get any side effects and never have, except occasional heartburn. I've accepted I'll always have to be on the zac. I've tried other SSRIs for short periods and the side effects were not worth it.